October 2018

It’s been over two months!

Lots happening to me on and off the computer, but I just found out an online friend (another writer) is going through a health scare and her situation serves to remind me that my problems are minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

Writing: The subscription model isn’t working for Femitokon. I’m going for a per installment thing (if Patreon ever gets off its ass to transition the account) with credit card payments via Paypal because that’s what most of my subscribers were doing anyway. The feedback I got tells me most are more comfortable paying when they can and not every month. I ran out of completed first-drafts with Episode 10 and was forced to free-write the next episode and edit it, within 30 days. No way. I think Episode 11 is stylistically weak because I can’t conceivable release 20k words of well-edited prose in just 30 days– another reason I ended the subscription model. I’m going to keep writing Femitokon until I reach the end—even though no one is reading it. ☹ It’s hurting my ego, but this is one of those personal-growth situations I need to live through.

Homefront: The spouse is seeing a new neurologist, and the doc thinks that the loss of coordination and dropping in the left foot is related to the syrinx they found in his spine – I hope they’re wrong because syringomyelia is not something I want to see my spouse go through. He refuses to use a chair to get around stores and friends at work have suggested he get a handicap tag for his car, so he doesn’t have to struggle walking through the parking lot. Naturally, this puts him off because employing a chair to help himself get around better, or displaying a tag in his truck, somehow makes him a quitter.

My spouse played football all through high school, and he’s always been athletic. These last few years have been extremely hard for him with the limited mobility – not just physically, but mentally. Thank the stars for first-person shooter games.

The 27th will be the second year I’ve been separated from the oldest on his birthday. I miss him very much. It’s weird to think he would ever be an adult that didn’t need me. :/

The youngest has a friend coming up for the week of Halloween, and this is my favorite holiday. I give out little bags of candy because parents drive me nuts when they tell their kids to ‘just take one.’ Seriously? Shove your friend aside and grab a handful of candy – that’s the point of being masked at Halloween! We’re all philistines on Halloween it’s why we dress up and go door to door for candy. Treat bags ensure I don’t have to hear parents inject control into what should be a situation of grabbiness.

TV and Politics: Speaking of masks, I’ve been watching the Purge tv show. I really care about only two subplots, but overall, I like it. I watched the new season of Man in the High Castle, and it kinda tore me up. The message the writers are sending with this whole Year Zero thing is that you can’t espouse any aspect of fascism (racism, class-ism, restrictive society) and still call yourself a Patriot of the United States. The melting down of the Liberty Bell didn’t bother me as much as the toppling of the Statue of Liberty – mainly because in our current time and place, she doesn’t matter anymore.

We have a president with the support of half the country that believes the USA is something above and apart from the rest of the world and this makes my stomach turn. There isn’t a nation in the America’s (except for Canada) that didn’t fight to establish its freedom from Europe – we’re all Americans by sheer virtue of living in the Americas. That’s why seeing ‘Make America Great Again’ shit just turned my stomach.

I voted for Obama because he moved us toward the ‘world economy’ and that’s the first step toward a global identity. The nations of Africa and their resources are poised to carry this planet into the next century, while the peoples of what we snidely consider ‘3rd world’ are evolving to define the new working class. We as a nation should be a part of that as consumers or partners. Each new year this President is in power with a Congress that continues to support his populist policies, we drift further away from being part of the global economy and consciousness. It won’t be long before we’re considered ‘3rd world’ and that breaks my heart.

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